


Changing Landscapes

by macabre



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Gen, Heaven, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-24
Updated: 2010-06-24
Packaged: 2017-11-08 12:35:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/443249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/macabre/pseuds/macabre
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AU from the end of season one on. Dean dies in a car accident and heaven isn't what he expects it to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Changing Landscapes

Dean doesn’t need an angel to tell him he’s dead. He may have been out of it in the car, but the sound of an oncoming engine and the heavy crunch of metal followed him for what seemed like eternity.

Now, ears ringing, Dean is literally faced with eternity, and he can’t fucking believe it, because heaven, or whatever this place is, looks exactly the same. It’s a bunch of long roads and open fields. Thing is, apparently there aren’t any cars, a thought that brings another wave of tears to his eyes.

Dean pushes them back. He pushes them all back. Because he isn’t doing Sam or his dad any good crying while they’re stuck with a demon on their tail.

So he walks. Down the unevenly paved road. He isn’t sure if it’s heaven, hell, or purgatory until a man appears next to him, calmly walking like he’s been there all along.

“Dean, how long do you plan on walking?”

Dean ignores him at first, this unassuming man in a suit and trench coat. He doesn’t look like someone physically able to hurt anyone, but Dean knows he shouldn’t push his luck. He’s just too tired and frustrated to care.

“For as long as it takes to get me where I need to be.”

“You are where you need to be.”

 

 

 

The first thing Dean does in heaven is fish. Sitting on a wooden dock completely alone, Dean thinks it’s too quiet to be peaceful. He’s constantly on edge for Sammy, his father.

He stares long enough at the pond that he thinks he can see their reflections there.

Cas shows up like he always does. He stands behind Dean quietly observing until he senses the hunter’s unease. He disappears.

 

 

 

Castiel doesn’t let him on to the way this place works. Not for a while. Dean wanders, feeling more like a ghost than ever. He never sees anyone besides Cas and the landscape doesn’t seem to feature anything but roads intersecting with more roads.

Dean walks several highways and a few back roads before Castiel asks him where he wants to be. With Sam, is what he thinks, but instead he replies:

“Anywhere I can sit down for a while.”

And suddenly he’s standing on a homey porch with a swing.

 

 

 

The wish feature of heaven only goes so far. Dean can wish to be places, such as the pond or his childhood home in Lawrence, but no matter how long he spends on his knees praying and wishing, he can’t find anyone. He knows he can’t see Sam or his dad or anyone still alive. That part makes heartbreaking sense even to Dean.

But what bothers him is his mother. Surely if he’s in heaven, she’s there too. But he can’t find her or the grandparents he never knew. He has no one.

No one but Cas.

“This is your heaven, Dean.”

 

 

 

Castiel becomes a welcomed figure. He’s there with Dean an alarming amount of time, but whenever he’s not present, all Dean has to do is think about him and the angel shows up.

“So you’re like my guardian angel?” Dean asks as he swings the bat.

The baseball flies over the stars.

“You could say that.”

“Well, no offense man, I’m glad you’re here, but why couldn’t I get some gorgeous brunette?”

The next ball burns up in smoke before it reaches Dean. He frowns, turning to Cas. The angel looks at him in a completely new way. It’s startlingly gentle. It’s - Dean gags on the next word that comes to mind.

“Dean, I was made in the visage best suited for you.”

 

 

 

 

Cas stays away for a while. Dean knows he won’t come back until he consciously admits he wants his angel there.

He thinks about what Cas might have meant. Made for him. That’s what he said.

Thinking of heaven, Dean always thought of beautiful women serving him beer or washing the Impala in bikinis. Now he’s faced with a man of a quiet nature following him about, and God, he’s been daft at times, but he couldn’t have missed that cue, right?

Dean misses Sammy. He knows the kid is out there somewhere beating himself up. He’s the only person who could make sense out of all this probably.

Dean is sure of only one thing the next time he sees Cas – he’s missed him.

 

 

 

Stripped down to his jeans, barefoot and shirtless, Dean steps out from the green woods and onto a pebbled beach. The water is a grey-blue and a light snow falls.

He can’t feel the cold. His tan shoulders turn white. Snow grows off his skin.

“I can’t believe out of all people I’m supposed to love you.”

Cas moves closer to him. He looks serene here. Dean thinks he might be beautiful.

“I never said you were supposed to love me. I’m here so you won’t be alone.”

“But you came in a form that is supposed to be appealing to me.” Dean smirks.

Cas smiles, almost shyly. “Dean, humans do not know a full spectrum of love. I loved you before I saw or knew a thing about you. It’s unconditional, but for you to love me in any form in unnecessary.”

Dean knows when he has a good thing going for him, so he holds out his hand, and like a magnet Castiel grabs it in the same instant. Dean steps closer, Cas following his lead. There’s maybe a spare inch between them.

“So if I do this…” Dean leans forward. He watches Cas close his eyes and kiss him. It’s the most chaste kiss he’s ever shared, lighter than air, lighter than his being.

“If this is what you want, I will not refuse you.”

“What would you refuse me?” Dean thinks of all the things, and more accurately, people, heaven refuses him – his parents and Sammy, but somehow, looking at Cas now he feels at peace with his longing for them.

“I’ve waited a long time for you.”

“How long?”

“I knew you before your mother did. I loved you before you learned to love your brother.”

Dean smiles, slides both hands around Cas’ neck and pulls him close. “So this is a long time coming for you, is what you’re saying?”

Dean kisses him this time, with a little more than a brush a lot less integrity. Dean pulls away to look at his angel; Cas is blushing, but he looks so happy, he looks torn apart.

Cas grips Dean’s hips with assurance. “Time will go on, too fast for you to comprehend, but I will be here. I will both blind you to it and guide you.”

 

 

 

There’s no sun there, no matter where they are. No warmth or cold. Dean never experiences human comforts or discomforts until Cas touches him. His skin burns off and grows again without a mark.

Dean knows what heaven feels like.


End file.
